• Mark Puskey

The Best Quarantine Sport

In a time where we have no baseball, no football, no hockey, and no basketball, one sport will rise and become America’s new favorite pastime. I'm not talking about soccer, pro wrestling, or even foreign baseball. I am talking about sports in their purest form. Athletes in such a perfect shape that they look like they are sculpted from marble, because they are literally marbles.

One night about a month ago, when I should have been watching baseball, I was in a YouTube wormhole when I discovered Jelle's Marble Race, a channel with thousands of hours of marbles racing each other. It may sound boring, and even kind of dumb, but let me tell you marble racing might very well be one of the most exhilarating sporting events known to man.

These marbles race for a good amount of time, it's not just a quick here to there race. There are twists and turns, short cuts, obstacles. Never mind the podium, some marbles never make it to the finish line. There is betrayal, backstabbing, heartbreak. Some marbles form alliances. You need to be more than fast if you want the gold, you need to have skill. It's almost like the marbles are alive.

There is more than just marbles racing down sandhills though. There are the Marblelympics, an event with dozens of different games. Like the long jump, the precision slalom, the team pursuit and so many more. There are both summer and winter games. There is Marbula 1 which is a different type of marble race compared to the Sand Marble Rally. As well as different marble contraption videos, where the marbles go down (and sometimes up) marble sets. And a few videos with thousands of marbles all racing each other. Something about that is very pleasing.

I had actually watched this channel long before quarantine started. In my high school when the account was only around 50K subscribers, we would bet on marbles which only made the races more exciting. I would always put my money on Red Number 3 or Comet. Yes, the marbles have names.

Just like other professional sports, they even have merch so you can rep your favorite teams and players.

But in all seriousness, I believe that these marble races are more of a sport than pro-wrestling. Go watch a few videos and try to tell me I’m wrong.

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