• Mark Puskey

Florida Man caught breaking and entering

Like most of the elderly people that live in New England, a man and his wife moved to central Florida after they were done working up here. They made the move a little over a month ago. He claimed the move was caused by the incredible football team they have down there, the “Tampa Bay Buccaneers.” He must not understand that you can watch out of market NFL games on the television these days. To me, it sounds like he just wants to be in Tampa this February when Super Bowl LIV will be in town.

Florida Man was also a father figure to an overgrown frat boy that he dragged to Florida along with him. Although not his real son, Florida Man kisses his real children, these two men had been very close when they were New England residents.

During this pandemic, nearly all places where people gather have been closed. Restaurants, places of worship parks, to name a few. The state of Florida has been especially lenient on these precautions. But about a week ago Florida Man was caught by a police officer taking a stroll in one of the parks that was closed. His eyes must be going if he didn’t notice the sign.

Then a day or two ago, the senile old man tried breaking and entering into a stranger’s house. He is known for being slow. So when he was caught, he knew he wouldn't be able to escape. So he came up with the story that he was looking for one of his new friend’s houses, and that said friend lives next door.

I will say that it is a pretty good on the fly excuse for a Florida Man to come up with. Between playing the incident off as a senior moment and being a very attractive white male, the homeowners have decided not to press charges.

I can't wait to see what else Florida Man will get himself into.

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